And the 2009 Winner Is . . .
Well, maybe not the winner, but the biggest loser in the Bulwer-Lytton Worst First Lines Contest is David McKenzie of Federal Way, Washington. "Folks say that if you listen real close at the height of the full moon, when the wind is blowin' off Nantucket Sound from the nor' east and the dogs are howlin' for no earthly reason, you can hear the awful screams of the crew of the "Ellie May," a sturdy whaler Captained by John McTavish; for it was on just such a night when the rum was flowin' and, Davey Jones be damned, big John brought his men on deck for the first of several screaming contests." Bulwer-Lytton penned the famous line, "It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents" causing sugary goo to run in the streets. It was a massacre at the Peeps factory (for that is where our story is set), bunny blue and peep yellow mixed in a cacophony of green slime that ran into gutters marked, 'Don...