Sunday, February 21, 2016

Why don't you talk to me?

Sherry Turkle, an author and M.I.T. professor of Science, Technology, and Society recently wrote in "Stop Googling. Let's Talk" that college age students cannot carry on a face-to-face conversation.

She cites plenty of statistics to show that most believe that using "phones in social settings hurt the conversation," but apparently we either don't care, don't know how to carry on a conversation, or can't put them down.

There are plenty of anecdotes from young people who want the fairy tale life where families sit around the dinner table and share their day while speaking "enthusiastically" about the rule of three--at least three people must be conversing before you can check your phone.

According to Turkle, this loss of conversation leads to a loss of empathy and an inability to just be quiet with one's thoughts. We must be secure with ourselves before "we are able to really hear what other people have to say."

But all is not lost. We can reclaim conversation. Turkle approaches regaining conversation like a counselor towards an addict -- well, not exactly. She's not saying give up that cell phone completely. She believes we should limit our time and offers some suggestions  to do so.

Do you find it challenging to have a face-to-face conversation? If so, why? What suggestions can you offer to limit cell phones in social settings?

66 comments:

  1. I usually do not find it challenging to have a face to face conversations. I work at a movie theater about 8 hours every week and in my job I am required to greet people and communicate with managers about what needs to be done. During times between shows I also get into long conversations about whatever is topical with the people that I work with. At home I am also in constant communication but instead with my parents about topics like what I’m up to and how I’m feeling. The only situation where I do slightly struggle is in large groups (6 or more). In no way do I feel uncomfortable but I do find it hard to get a word in, and often it seems like I am interrupting more important conversations.

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  2. Face-to-Face conversation really isn't too difficult of a thing. As I grew up, there really wasn't too much online technology that got in the way of talking to others, so with time came experience. I think that its completely rude to take out a phone while having a conversation with someone in the first place, unless it was something important. It's best to just not think about using technology at all and focusing on what to say and how to say it.

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  3. yes, I find it hard to have face to face conversations, especially opposed to texting or over the phone.. I think its getting the facial reactions from others about what I say. Turkle says that social media hasn't made us bolder because most people are afraid of their peers. I am the opposite what I can't or am afraid to say in person I can easily say over text or social media. a suggestion to help not be on your phone so much is to not bring it everywhere. 99% of the time someone will have a phone you can borrow for emergencies so I say only bring your phone if you are going somewhere alone but if you are out with family or friends then leave it at home and borrow one if you really need it.

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  4. Though I agree with many things Turkle said in her article, I don’t think it’s very hard for me to have face-to-face conversations with people I know. On the other hand, there’s always a sense of awkwardness having a conversation with strangers, but I don’t think that is due to cell phones. I do believe, however, that face to face conversation is very different than online/on the phone conversation. We have time to think of responses when texting, while talking face to face may give away facial cues. It is easy to see how someone born in the digital age can have a hard time having face to face conversations when they grow up with texting as be their main source of communication.

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  5. Personally, I have no issues communicating face to face, in fact I prefer it. I feel that when I am having a conversation with someone face to face, I owe them my attention, likewise I find it irritating when others choose to use phones during conversation. It may sound snooty, but I tend to take social phone use as a sign of poor upbringing, or that the phone user is uninterested in talking to me. I would recommend keeping a cell phone handy, but putting it in “Do not disturb mode” during times when you plan on socializing with others. In this manner, you can be accessible in case of emergency, and get all the wonderful functionality of a cell phone, while avoiding its detrimental impact on your social life.

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  6. In my own experiences, I have found it fairly difficult to engage in face-to-face conversation for extended periods of time. I do think that this is mostly due to the fact that I grew up with a cell phone and the internet to connect with those around me. When approached in a conversation, I don’t have much of a problem continuing it, but when it comes to introducing new ideas or things to talk about, I tend to draw a blank. When the conversation comes to a silence, I can’t help but feel awkward, and it doesn’t help that my first instinct is to pull out my phone. I find that sometimes I even pull it out just to distract myself from the situation, just staring at the screen hoping that maybe the other person has something interesting to say. It has become a habit that I think a lot of my generation has developed, whether they are checking for texts/emails, checking the time, or are like me, hoping to avoid the awkward feeling that comes with silence. It’s on you, and you alone, to restrain from resorting to your phone, but for some reason, having your own personal device to look at just brings us some comfort. As Turkle suggests, we can still reclaim the ability to converse without our phones, and it all starts with us simply trying to refrain from cell phone use. We don’t have to get rid of them all together, but simply wean ourselves away from our habitual instinct to whip out our phones. This is easy to suggest, but for those like me, it will likely be a while until we can kick this habit

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  7. Face-to-face conversations can be challenging at first, however it can become really easy. It’s all a matter of finding a common interest and sharing that interest with the other person, if no common interest is found there are other things to find interest In. On the other hand, face-to-face conversations can be intimidating to people who aren’t very used to talking about anything and everything. Face-to-face conversations come out naturally for some and it tends to build off one another and it starts from there. Some may look at it as a hard thing to do, but once in the flow it becomes gradually okay. I find it fairly easy to have a face-to-face conversation with someone or a group of people, I enjoy meeting people and see what kind of ideas are floating around their head. I work at a pizza restaurant at I’m required to strike up a conversation with someone concerning something about the menu or the restaurant itself so conversations just flow out of me spontaneously.

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  8. Having a face-to-face conversation is challenging sometimes. For me, it depends entirely on the subject and who I am talking to. Talking face-to-face with a person I just met is easy, since we aren’t discussing anything that is really deep or controversial. Talking to people I’ve known for a long time is also easy, but only if we are discussing something that is heading in the direction of being deep. If we are discussing something as simple as the weather for over thirty seconds, I’ll get bored. Since I know the person I’m talking to, there would be no need to continue talking about simple topics since we’ve probably had this discussion several times over. Paying attention to people I’m talking to face-to-face is pretty easy for me, unless I’m very tired. I feel rude if I am distracted by something such as a phone.
    As far as limiting cell phones in social settings, I think the user needs to be willing to make the effort. We can remove the cell phone from society by making class rules and posting signs prohibiting use, but will a person pay attention if they are only looking forward to the moment they can return to their sanctuary of the online reality?

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  9. When I read this article, I found out that the "college student" frequently appeared in it is just like me. I also found out that I have the difficulty in face-to-face conversation, and I have a habit that if a certain problem could be solved by texting, I would not choose to make a phone call, not even the face-to-face conversation. So I agree with the point that we should change now and find ourselves back.

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  10. Growing up, I was always described by my parents as an extrovert because I had no trouble introducing myself to new people and making my opinion known. Today I would say that I still possess many of those attributes, but I feel they do not come as easy to me as they once did. I find myself constantly questioning myself and the comments I make when I have face to face conversations with people. I constantly worry about saying the 'wrong' thing. The cause of this is my over reliance in texting and messaging for communication. When you're constantly writing your responses to people, and have an unlimited amount of time to do so, it completely takes authenticity and honesty out of the conversation. As a result, I am less comfortable speaking openly face to face with someone because I am not used to have to think on the spot and not control my every word I say. In my past 3 english classes this has been a topic of discussion and it has really made me question and reflect on my own behavior. Through doing this I am able to recognize the effects texting has had on my communication skills and it honestly really scares me how much it has changed.

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  11. Face-to-face conversation can be challenging especially when interrupted by phone usage, but I believe it depends on your relationship to the person your conversing with. When conversing with a close friend I wouldn't feel offended if they took out their phone to check something but when conversing with somebody I may not be as close to, for some reason it creates a more awkward vibe and a feeling that the person I'm conversing with isn't interested in what I have to say. Most of the time though I don't experience much difficulty in face-to-face conversation as long as I just don't think about using technology or what I could be missing in a group message on my phone etc.

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  12. Josephine FitzwingeFebruary 23, 2016 at 3:11 PM

    I can understand both sides to the argument. I don't have any problem holding face-to-face conversations, in fact I prefer it. Having a face-to-face conversation allows you to express emotion, connect, and understand the other person easier. In my opinion phones take away from that connection and create misleading situations. I have experienced this a few times, I have gotten in a few arguments with my friends due to the fact that we could not understand each others emotion over the phone. On the other hand I have a friend that loves her phone and enjoys texting over any other form of communication. Her phone has become a safety net to the point that she won't even pick up a phone call because it makes her uncomfortable to talk.
    These are examples of two extremes, myself who prefers face-to-face conversation and my friend who hides behind her phone. There should be a common ground between these extremes. Phones should be available to help conversation but when communicating in person they should not be barriers.

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  13. I do find it challenging to have face-to-face conversation sometimes, because there are those awkward moments that people do not know what to say and I am bad at coming up with new topics to talk about. There also is the problem that when speaking, we do not necessarily come up with our best answer to certain questions, while returning a text or email, we have time to consider what to say and how to say it.
    My suggestion is not to use cellphone when talking to others, no matter if the conversation is going well or not. It is natural that we will not get along with everyone, but this kind of not necessarily pleasant experience helps us to learn to deal with it. Avoiding the problem will not help to solve it.

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  14. I find challenging to have a face-to-face conversation with people I have not met before or I am not familiar with them. However, I do not find face-to-face conversation with friends hard nor challenging. It is because I love looking at people directly into their eyes when we have conversation. I try to understand their meaning of what they are saying and I love body languages. I think I often have emphatic conversation. To limit cellphone use in a social setting, I suggest you just put the phone into your bag and try to find interesting topic to start conversation. I often play the game with friends in dinner table just to make sure we all enjoy dinner by gathering all attention. It is very effective that even there are emergency calls, people won’t pick their phone up.

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  15. Having a face to face is not challenging for me. In Japan, it's bad manners to use a phone during a conversation and people are used to having face to face conversations. However, after I came to America, I began to check my phone during a conversation. It is because the conversation partners use their phones when I talk with them. I feel the conversation becomes very boring because they don't focus on it. Therefore, I don't think only one person becomes aware of the loss of conversation and limit the cell phone will work. When one using the phone during a conversation, the others will start using their devices. In order to limit cell phones, I think we first have to make as many people as possible acknowledge the bad effects on conversation and call people to alert others when they use their phone during a conversation.

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  16. I don't feel challenges on my end when it comes to having a face-to-face conversation, but I do know a few people who do. However, it's more than just an inability to converse without a screen as a catalyst. It seems to me a complete inability to give full attention to whatever is happening in front of them. It's difficult to give our full attention to anything in the technology age, and I'm no different. I was just fortunate enough to grow up in a time before cell phones and computers could be found in every household, before the internet took everything over, but I digress. As far as suggestions go, I don't have anything too helpful to contribute. The only solution I can think of would be to set aside a small amount of time each day without a cell phone, maybe even put it in a locked/secure place for those who can't control themselves easily, and gradually increase that time in order to become less dependent on it.

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  17. I use electronic devices such as my phone and my laptop a lot and I do have trouble a lot of the time having a face-to-face conversation with someone. So I do believe there is a connection between cell-phone and electronic device communication and face-to-face communication. If one spends more time on the former, than they will gain less practice on face-to-face communication (unless they are using a video call). A suggestion I can offer that could help limit cell phone usage is spend more time outside, like go hiking on the mountains or camping, without bringing your cell-phone. Spending more time with nature and less time with electronics could help foster better communication because one is spending more time with their thoughts.

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  18. In my case I don't think that technology affected my ability to communicate or connect with people. My upbringing was right on the cusp of when cell phones were not owned by everyone and the normal models could only make calls. By the time that I got a cell phone that could do anything more that make a few calls before having to reload it with money I was going into high school. Now a days it is not uncommon for people to whip out their cell phone at any time especially during social interactions. As I child I had the chance to play with others and make believe. Kids today have cell phones at such a young age and play with ipads rather than each other it concerns me that future generations are going to have less interpersonal skills and creativity than those that came before them unless we balance out our current obsession with technology.

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  19. For me, it is not that challenging to have a face to face conversation. Though I do understand what can make it challenging with the confrontation, or people's reaction to what you have to say. I am not saying that I do not feel those things when having a conversation because I do. I think it can be normal, but when it comes to a face to face conversation, it is not difficult to have. I do agree with Turkle that the loss of conversation leads to a loss of empathy and that it is hard to be quiet internally. I often find myself talking to someone then in my mind, thoughts are just racing, often about things that have nothing to do with the conversation. A suggestion I have in a social setting is if you are having dinner or getting coffee with family or friends, is to refrain form using it until you are done. I know it is easier said than done but if we want to regain what has been loss, we have to make the effort to do so.

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  20. It is not very hard to talk to somebody face to face as long as we have something in common. There is always that awkward quiet moment that makes you think of what to say. The unlimited use of cellphones is hurting people from wanting to talk in person, but with all the busy schedules that everybody has it is much easier to just send a text than calling a person. I have many cousins and we get together at one of my aunts house once a month and when all of us walk in the house we leave our cellphones in a basket and not use them as long as we are there. The first couple of times it was hard for many of us, but now it is much easier to do and we can talk for long periods of time. So, as time will tell we all don't know how much of face to face time is going to disappear, we can still control all of our electronics gadgets from controlling our future.

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  21. I don't find it hard to have a face to face conversation with someone. Unless its someone that I don't really know and feel nervous then I find myself using my phone to make myself feel less nervous. Though I rarely do this one way to keep phones away during a conversation is to put your phone in your back pocket or bag. And if this is not enough then you can just turn off your phone completely until you are done with your conversation. I think people can have a face to face conversation with people. But their are some people that are a bit addicted to their phone because its like an escape to the virtual world from reality. Though people should learn to control themselves because they are just missing out on what's going on in reality.

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  22. Carrying on face-to-face conversations is not exactly an easy thing to do. We’re all expected to be able to do so, but unless you’re a public speaking prodigy you probably still find it rather difficult to carry on a conversation. Turkle believes it is due to the fact that we rely so much on technology for communication, but I think it can be a combination of any number of things. Personally, I used to find it challenging to carry on conversations, but that’s only because I was a bit shy. If I didn't know the person very well, it was difficult for me to gauge their interests. As I grew older and started to pursue my own various interests, it became easier and easier to sit down and have a nice face-to-face chat. I do think, however, that the constant use of phones can seriously inhibit our ability to connect via verbal communication. One of the solutions that I have used to limit phone usage during social situations can be used at a restaurant. It goes something like this: everyone puts their phones in the middle of the table and they cannot touch them. The first person to take their phone away from the middle has to pick up the tip for the meal. At first, it was a huge challenge to some of my friends, but now we almost never use our phones when we are hanging out. That is just one of the suggestions I could offer, but the key to encouraging conversation is finding a system that works for you

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  23. Personally I don’t find face-to-conversations to be difficult all that often. I’m almost certain I can owe that fact to the value I put in genuine face-to-face communication. And I believe this rise in a lack of communication skills is largely due to the massive influx of social in our society. More and more communication is done through our computer screens and cell phones; so much so that an actual real life conversation can catch people off guard. Of course I’m just as guilty of using my phone during social settings, sometimes to the point where I prefer it over actually talking to someone. But I’m always sure not to let my communication skills slip away. It can be hard though, as technology is certainly addicting. In terms of suggestions, I would try setting rules, like having to talk to at least one person before using your phone. Maintaining a balance between talking and technology would be key.

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  24. I've never found it difficult to strike up a conversation with anyone, but I know the awkward situation all too well. Many of the people around me, including friends and family, have trouble talking face-to-face with others because they are so dependent on technology to do it for them. Growing up in an era that is mostly dependent on cell phones for everything, I will admit, I have gone through a phase in my life where I didn't want to communicate with others and would shut people out using my cell phone, but as I get older, I realize how rude and complicated phones make everything. The one thing that I can't stand is texting! I absolutely hate texting. It makes it hard for both parties to understand what is going on in the conversation and takes too much time and energy to do so. The generation below mine, has texting ingrained in their daily lives as if there were no other form of communication. As a result, my tween sister and I have difficulty communicating with one another whenever we go out. My solution was to ask for her attention and to be present with me. The more I asked her, the less she tried to text/snapchat/instagram around me. The best solution for this type of behavior is always to limit the amount of time spent using it each day, that way, it becomes less of a chore to participate in daily conversation with those around you.

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  25. Technology is either something that can destroy us or build us up as a whole. People just have to learn when to use it and when not to. There are times when someone can use their phone all day, for example, on a Sunday when you’re washing clothes or doing homework. There are also occasions when people cannot use their phone, for example, when eating with your family and friends or during lecture when one of your professor’s is teaching new material. I personally, do not find it challenging to have a face-to-face conversation. I have learned how to become a social person through various programs and people that I’ve met. All it takes to spark conversation with someone is simply by asking, “How is your day going?” or “How are you?”. These two questions can spark an engaging conversation with someone and can possibly make someone’s day.

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  26. I for one do believe that there are plenty of statistics and facts that prove teens and young adults find it challenging to have a face to face coverasation. In example, I personally do find it harder to speak to someone unfamiliar personally rather than over text. Anxiety rises and I feel the need to text even when I'm with someone face to face. However since my friends and I feel this way, we set rules to keep this from happening. What can be done and I do, is to never have our phones out when we're talking to each other. That and we challenge each other to meet people personally rather then on social media.

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  27. I do find it challenging to have face-to-face conversations, because I get anxiety talking to someone that I am not that familiar with. I would rather text a person than talk to them face-to-face. I feel more comfortable talking to someone behind the screen, and I think it is because I am a shy person an when I am behind a screen I feel like I can be myself. I feel like I cannot create a face-to-face conversation because I have poor communicating skills and I know I need to work on that. I think people should not use their cell phones when they go out with their friends or family, like they should put it away for a few hours so they can be able to spend quality time with their loved ones.

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  28. Generation X's nickname is the Tech Gen, but it might as well be our primary name given our behavior. Having eyes on the screen, whether it be a phone screen, laptop screen, TV, etc, and your head in the clouds pretty much consumes the majority of our (my peers and myself)days. Everyone is aware of their addiction to their devices yet no one can seem to find the will to detach themselves. We've grown accustomed to turning to our phones for everything: for the time, to search the interwebs, as a calculator, GPS and most importantly, to talk to and 'interact' with other people; they've become our lifelines. Given, when we're away from our devices and can't hide behind a screen, we kind of have no idea of how to act, especially towards another human being. I personally don't have any trouble talking to others face-to-face, I actually would prefer it! You are whatever you present to people when you're communicating through screens. For instance, it's WAY too easy to fake your emotions over the phone whereas if you were talking to someone face-to-face, you are able to see things such as the emotions on their face and their body language/ gestures. These, in my opinion, can say a lot more than the words coming out of the person's mouth.

    Something that really, really bothers be is the use of phones when you go out to eat. I too am guilty of pulling out my phone under the table but it's definitely one of the many habits that I hope to break. Like I mentioned before, we tend to turn to our phones for everything, and that includes turning to it for a sense of comfort. Whether you're trying to avoid eye contact with someone, attempting to not look like a loner, or simply trying to make 'awkward' silences not so awkward, our phones are our safe havens. We live in such a fast paced world that we just aren't comfortable with silence anymore. There's always going to be someone to reply to or something new to look at and I think the mentality today is that it's acceptable to tend to those things if you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation. Once one person gets on their phone it creates a ripple effect and before you know it, you can look around the table and not see a single set of eyes.

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  29. Face-to-face conversations are not as easy as we expect them to be, since we must be confident in order for the conversation to go smoothly. Having face-to-face conversations more often helps limit phone usage when trying to text people or send messages on chats. Face-to-face conversations are a more natural way of interaction since unlike using a phone to interact with people, people having a face-to-face conversation are actually together in the same place in person rather than being in separate locations. That seems more natural than communicating through some device, since it does not actually feel like we are talking to anybody unless we are talking to them in person.

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  30. As a French living in the United States, I happen to find it difficult to have a face-to-face conversation. Depending on the situation I could be “unprepared;” I could happen not to know much vocabulary in a particular topic for example or even apprehending the reaction of the person I’m interacting with toward my accent. Other than that, I usually do not really find it challenge to engage in a face-to-face conversation. I think that interacting directly with others shouldn’t be perceived by anyone as challenging, it is the nature of humans to interact with each other, to be able to understand each other’s emotions and to be able to interact non-verbally. Although, I can understand why sometimes people might find it challenging. There is always a situation in which someone might not feel comfortable or might be impressed by the others and then find the face-to-face conversation challenging. Also in our society, the impression we give to others, physical appearance as well as the intellect through the vocabulary and the way we employ words, is very important and the lack of confidence sometimes lead people to have then too many apprehension and to find face-to-face conversation challenging. In order to limit cellphones in social settings I would just suggest to people to forget about their “plugged-in” life for a bit and to start enjoying again the presence of others and the human exchanges we can have with anyone. People are forgetting about these human values that makes us who we are and it is very important not to. These human values and interaction are what led us to the developed society we live in today.

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  31. Face-to-face conversations aren’t really difficult for me to keep up. When it come to awkward pauses it is quite normal in face-to-face conversations because you cannot expect to just keep talking and talking. However, sometimes just talking to someone may be the hardest thing to do because getting to know a person is one thing, but if they are comfortable about answering all of your questions is another. On the other hand, a way to limit cell phone use in a social setting is by simply put it on silent. If you are in a group chat there is a do not disturb button if you use an iPhone. I say these things because I do these both myself when I am in a social environment. I like to talk to people, it’s one thing that I find easy to do at some points.

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  32. For the most part, face-to-face conversations are not hard to engage in. It can be intimidating at first, but once you open up you can't help but keep talking about god knows what. When I was growing up I was more kept to myself, I was always the quiet one in the room to the point where people didn't knew I was in the room to begin with. But as time went on I eventually grew out of that shyness and started to have conversations with people. The fact hat technology was introduced in this world shows that humans are more likely to get attached to them and start to lose the ability of socializing with people head on, instead they are socializing with people through a tiny screen. One of Turkle's suggestion was to limit technology use and start making one-on-one interaction and I believe that we should too.

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  33. I do not find it challenging to have a face-to-face conversation. I honestly do not understand why some people find it so hard to leave their phones down and simply enjoy the other person's company. I often find myself with people who cannot let their phones down and i'll confess it does irk me. An example is my mother, I try to talk to her but she always manages to be texting with friends or on her Facebook instead of talking to me after not seeing each other for a while. It makes me feel as if i were not there or that my presence does not matter. Something I would like to suggest or try is to go out and eat and who ever picks up their phone first will have to pay for the meal, I am sure that will limit their need to be in their phones.

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  34. just because this generation prefers to have conversations online instead of in person doesn't mean that we don't know how. Every generation has something that they cling to and ours so happens to be technology. I don't think its a bad thing, we are so aware of everything all the time. Bad news and good news are able to be spread within seconds. for example Amber alerts. A lot of things are so useful when it comes to phones but many adults fail to recognize the good in these things. Yes i may always be plugged in but that also gives me the resources I need to start update and start conversations with people who might not be so aware or who share different opinions then what I have. You can say what statistics show but that still doesn't stop our world from advancing as much as it does. we must keep up with it.

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  35. I do not find it difficult to have a face to face conversation. I think it is important to be able to talk to people face to face and not rely on a screen to talk to people. Today, screen to screen conversations are more common than face to face. Also, people who are on social outings are always on their phones and not conversing. We have to be able to equally do both. This will help us with our future as many of us have to be able to speak with others or even big crowds therefore it is important to start now and be proficient in speaking with others. Some ways to limit cell phone use in social settings is to put your phone away and on silent. This will help one to not be tempted to check their phones because their phone is constantly vibrating. One can even turn off their phone to force themselves to speak to the person front of them.

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  36. I do not find it hard or even difficult to hold a face to face conversation. And I think it is an important skill to have in today's workforce. Nowadays kids prefer to text to another even if they are facing right in front of each other in person. And when that kid grows up and has their first job interview they are not going to know how to hold a decent conversation because they rarely hold a face to face conversation. And cell phones make it worst. Whenever I in a group more than half of the members in that group would either look down at their phones or would talk and then they would received a message and stop talking to look at their phone. I have found many ways to limit phone use but an effective one is if you are having lunch or dinner their would be a box where people would put their phones in the box and the first person to grab the phone before the check comes to the table would have to pay for everyone's meals.

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  37. I personally don't find it difficult to hold a conversation face to face with a person, but I do understand how this article is portrayed. In today's generation a lot of people use mobile devices to communicate and socialize, it has even gotten to the point where a person can't leave the house with out a phone. It is very funny that people even use their cellular devices when they find themselves in an awkward situation. All they do is look down to their phone and cancel out everybody. But I am also a strong believer that when you hang out with someone it is important to be able to have a good time and not be on your phone the whole time. This article was interesting to read. -Maria Sanchez

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  38. Face to face conversation are not difficult for me to have at all. In fact i highly enjoy face to face conversations. Conversation in person offer to help a person be more social and it lets you connect to a person on a deeper level. Face to face conversation hold more than just words, facial expressions are a huge part of a conversation which is lacking in conversations via text message or phone calls. There is no realistic way yo limit cell phones usage in a social environment but the best way i think you can limit it to an immediate group is come to an agreement with whoever you converse with to leave the phone in your pocket.

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  39. I do no believe face to face conversations difficult to have. As long as you and the other people or persons are engaging and fully committed to having a conversation then all should be alright. I do have to admit though, that if a conversation is not on a topic that interests me or I cannot speak on the topic, it would be hard to engage. Nine times out of ten if the conversation is lacking, I will unknowingly check my phone out of boredom. That is when the phones come out and out attention on the previous conversation is gone. A good way to limit cell phone use to keep the conversation interesting and a learning experience no matter what the topic is. If that person learns something new and it intrigues them, the topic is most likely a good one and picking up your phone hopefully is the last thing on your mind, well for me it is at least. Another point is that some people use their phone as a distraction to hide nervousness and or shyness. I know I do this when talking to a cute guy. I do not want him to see that I am nervous so I would rather be on my phone and look as if I am not intimidated by his good looks and sculpted body. Overall, we all have our own reasons why having face to face conversations are hard or why phone use comes into play.

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  40. Personally I don’t find face to face conversations difficult at all, I don’t understand why people find this kind of conversation so difficult. To me, it is easy to have an ACTUAL (one by one) conversation because I prefer to be talking instead of just being in my phone waiting for the other person to reply me. In other words, it is important to be able to talk to people face to face and not just being behind a screen in order to get answer.

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  41. Having a face to face conversation is very natural for me enough that I would rather have a three hour long interview rather than turning in a resume and having a shorter one. I think the way a person can carry on a conversation or answer a question is representation of the individual so by having a resume answer questions for you is very damaging towards your image I think because for example when asked what makes you think your qualified for this position? One can persuade the interviewer more easily than by writing it down because words cannot express conviction in ones voice. Technology should be striped in these occasions to show how well the individual can operate in the required situation

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  42. Having a face to face conversation is slightly awkward for me simply because I don't like generally talking a lot so when im forced to its a bit challenging. Some challenging things about having a face to conversation is you eventually run out of things to talk about, but when im texting I do the same thing because I dislike texting as well. Sometimes I do think it is more beneficial to talk face to face because you get a complete understanding and when I text I often get lost. Technology should be forgotten about when it comes to having face to face conversation generally because I believe it makes for a stronger more interesting connection between both parties.

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  43. When it comes to face to face conversations i don't struggle with it unless it's someone i've never met before, i might struggle having a conversation with that new person just because i don't really know them but i can keep a conversation going. The only thing that i really do struggle with is having a conversation on the phone with someone, it can be anyone in the world and i will struggle to talk to them, i don't know why i struggle with it. Also one thing that i do with my friends when we are together is we put our cellphones together and no one can touch them unless its an emergency. Doing this really limits our cellphone usage when we are in a social event. Also we might turn off our cellphones and leave them in our cars so we don't use them when we are together. Or we just might tell each other to put it away when we are together.

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  44. This article made me think a lot about face to face conversations and my fear of them. Growing up I had a very large birthmark on my nose and I was the most insecure person ever. I believe this is where my fear of face to face conversations began because I felt as if people were staring right at my biggest insecurity every time I talked to them. I do agree that face to face conversation is very important and defiantly a necessary skill that I need to work on. Technology has interfered with face to face communication and made it easier and quicker but I believe there is no better way to talk to someone face to face and read their emotions.

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  45. This article is something that i can completely relate to. There are certain things with myself that i have had issues with but growing up i've slowly learned to overcome them. Having those issues have sometimes stopped me from having actual long conversations with people because i was afraid that they would think the stuff that i would think about myself. But throughout everything i know that face to face conversations are one of the things that will get me places and also build connections with people that i might find useful in the future. I do admit that there are times where i catch myself holding and looking over at my phone for too long but i can tell the difference from meaningful conversations and just text messages.

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  46. I sometimes find it challenging to have a face-to-face conversation, because I am somewhat shy and hesitant to talk to people I do not know. However, I can maintain a face-to-face conversation with my friends, or with strangers on a topic I am interested in or knowledgeable on. I personally do not feel that cell phone use significantly detracts from face-to-face conversations.

    While I concede that I might use my phone to avoid an unwanted or awkward conversation, before I had a phone I would just use other means to avoid this such as moving to a different spot or looking in a different direction and ignoring the person. With or without a phone, I am capable of having a face-to-face talk, but only if the person and/or topic interests me.

    To limit cell phone use in social settings, people should at least make the attempt to talk with strangers on any mutually interesting topics. People should only use cell phones and other distractions as a last resort, if they have already tried and failed to establish common ground.

    P.S.: This writing piece reminded me of a video from a few years ago related to this issue:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7dLU6fk9QY

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  47. Personally, I think face to face conversation is very circumstantial. It really just depends on who the person is to you that makes the conversation easier or not. For example, if it was someone you knew for a long period of time, conversation that was face to face is very simple. However, when it is say someone who you barely knew, starting off from texting or email may be the better course of action. We live in an age where we try to avoid awkward confrontation as much as possible so wadding the waters with someone new is recommended. Speaking from personal experience, I've had a much better time creating a relationship with someone when I avoid the awkwardness of a face to face meeting when it is the first time meeting someone.

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  48. When I was living at home we were never allowed to use our phones while sitting at the dinner table, or any table for that matter. I think that has carried on for me because whenever I am eating my phone is in my bag or pocket and I don't feel the need to check it every 10 seconds. I also do not find it difficult to hold a face to face conversation. If a topic is interesting I would gladly talk about it to anything. It becomes difficult and also quite irritating when I am trying to hold a conversation with someone who does not have the skills to hold one. Or someone who is constantly checking their phone while talking to me because I know that their attention is elsewhere. I think that when conversing you are getting to know someone better. You can read their emotions and get a glimpse of their personality, You can not do that if they are hiding behind a brightly lit screen.

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  49. For me i do not find it challenging to keep a conversation going because when i am hanging out with friends it is because i want to so im not going to just be on my phone the while time. That just ruins the whole purpose of hanging out with them. I hang out with them to talk and and hang out with. I try to stay off my phone because to me it seems rude if you are talking to a person and then you just go and pull out your phone. Also i do not beleive in the rule of three, if there are at least three of you then there is no reason for all three of you to not be talking and having a full conversation. If everyone just put their phones away for three minutes then they would be able to find a conversation that is really interesting that they can jjust keep talking about for awhile.

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  50. I think that it is important for individuals to be able to hold on to conversations, to interact face to face. I don't find it difficult to have face to face conversations rather I find it difficult to have conversations through text. Ask anyone I am a really bad at texting.I always seem to forget to reply to the text messages. Face to face conversations is a life skill that is important to our everyday lives. In my job I am always interacting with patients and that has actually improved my communication skills. I personal feel that face to face conversations teaches us important life skills.
    -Sandra Mondragon

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  51. I think that it is very crucial to be able to hold a conversation, for reasons such as interviews,dating, emergencies and etc. I feel that the reason behind the lack of communication skills is yes, the cell phone, but as well as television,computers and games systems. They allow everyone to speak behind a computer screen which not only reflects on students writing papers but in relationships with communication skills and conversing in regular. I personally don't feel like its complicated to carry on a conversation, unless the other person can't help keep the conversation going. I feel that it is super important to have these skills, so that you won't have communication issues later as well as get great communication skills. I know that being a front desk assistant it is extremely important to be on top of my communication skills otherwise it can make the job very complicated and force me to get frustrated. In conclusion communication skills is very important to have because you use them with every face to face encounter.
    -Melissa Tenorio

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  52. I think that it is very crucial to be able to hold a conversation, for reasons such as interviews,dating, emergencies and etc. I feel that the reason behind the lack of communication skills is yes, the cell phone, but as well as television,computers and games systems. They allow everyone to speak behind a computer screen which not only reflects on students writing papers but in relationships with communication skills and conversing in regular. I personally don't feel like its complicated to carry on a conversation, unless the other person can't help keep the conversation going. I feel that it is super important to have these skills, so that you won't have communication issues later as well as get great communication skills. I know that being a front desk assistant it is extremely important to be on top of my communication skills otherwise it can make the job very complicated and force me to get frustrated. In conclusion communication skills is very important to have because you use them with every face to face encounter.
    -Melissa Tenorio

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  53. We had studied this topic these semester and I learned a lot about problems due to the lack of face-to-face conversation. But personally, I did not find it difficult to have a face-to-face conversation with people, although my parents always blamed at me because I spend too much time on smartphone when I was in high school. One of the reasons is I am in a place where people are patient and nice enough for me, an international student with some troubles with language, to finish a conversation. Another reason is that I like to hear people talk, I feel interesting when people tell me things I don't know, and they feel fine to talk to me because I don't interrupt them and respond to them at good timing. In short, I keep necessary social skill to handle a face-to-face conversation.

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  54. Paola Davalos
    English 1002
    Extra Credit 2
    Well, well, well... here comes the rant about hiding behind a screen...
    Kids today do not even know how to use proper English. Sure, i miss some grammar or misspell some words, but when it comes down to it, i know how to talk without text abbreviations, but then again, i am an english major. Many teens use the new lingo and shorten everything, making it so hard to understand. "It's lit" "TU 2nite" "Fasho"..... Did you just light a candle? Two, two, night? Fasho......? What are we even saying? When people try to bring this language into real life, face to face, dinner table conversations, adults and younger children are left to wonder what they mean. A proper conversation can not be fulfilled without a proper language.
    Another reason why people are unable to talk in person is because they already say everything on Facebook and Twitter. A lot of the time I see people trying to talk about something, and the other person cuts them off saying "yeah, I saw that you posted it the other day." then the conversation gets boring and out come the phones again from the pockets.
    Personally, I feel just fine speaking to someone face to face because I am able to see their facial expressions and hear their tone of voice. I am also able to ask them to describe what they mean without getting a long text 30 minutes after i've asked when I am no longer interested.
    My advice to all you people who use their phone as the only way to talk to someone is to just start of calling a person instead of texting them. Then gradually increase the time of face to face conversations. Also, be respectful, if someone is telling you a story, don't go on facebook to read a different story. Dont be shy!

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  55. Do you find it challenging to have a face-to-face conversation? If so, why? What suggestions can you offer to limit cell phones in social settings?

    I don't find it too difficult to have a good face to face conversation. Most of my friends aren't that wrapped up in their phones 24/7 to the point of extremities, and neither am I. I think all of us can be bad at a certain point, but I like to think that I personally know when to really turn it off.

    I was on a date recently, and I think one of you has to set the precedent of sparingly using your phone in the company of one another. I think that's a given for the most part, especially in a date setting, but I also believe that setting this precedent can really make a difference no matter who you're with. If you make a conscious and obvious effort to stay off your phone, I think whoever you're with will (hopefully) match that.

    In addition to that, I think being straightforward and vocal helps, also. A gentle, non-threatening "Hey, can we all put our phones down for a bit?" can go a long way.

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  56. It is so true that we spend so much time on our phones today. I can personally say that while having a conversation sometimes I look at my phone to see if I got any messages or any notifications. Its like we are all addicted when we get a vibration or bing noise coming from our phones.I know social media can be a good way of communicating but most people are always on it that it seems there is nothing else that they have to do. According to Turkle, "this loss of conversation leads to a loss of empathy and an inability to just be quiet with one's thoughts. We must be secure with ourselves before "we are able to really hear what other people have to say." This was a really interesting thought because it is true that if we are able to understand ourselves we will also be able to communicate and understand where others are coming from.

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  57. It is sometimes difficult for me to have a face-to-face conversation with someone else, especially if the person is a complete stranger. I find it hard to maintain eye contact, averting my eyes to the ground or something behind the person. Behind a screen, it's just so much easier. My time spent on my phone or on my computer is probably the biggest reason why I find it so difficult. One of the few limitations of texting or instant messaging is that you can't read subtle gestures, like facial expressions and tone of voice. I think it's pretty hard to tell if someone is being sarcastic by what they text, which has led to some embarrassing misunderstandings. I think the best option for me is to rarely look at my phone when I'm hanging out with friends, because I know I can be myself around them. If we are getting something to eat at a restaurant, I might suggest that whoever looks at their phone first pays the entire bill. That'll probably get us to talk to each other more!

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  58. Sometimes I have a difficult time having a face to face conversation. It depends on the person. If there's nothing in common then there's nothing to talk about. Or if the person is boring or can't hold a conversation, it goes nowhere. The only thing I could suggest to limit cell phones in a social setting is to just remind people that cell phones give off radiation which causes cancer or it could explode in your hands like the one Samsung phone. Because honestly, I always use my phone and if someone asked me not to I still would. It's not that I'm trying to be rude it's just that it's a habit- I've grown up surrounded by technology so it's only natural. The only way you can really get someone to not use their phone is if you scare them out of it. Even still, they'd probably pick it up just to check their snapchat and instagram.

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  59. I feel that along with many other people, I just don't know how to start a conversation or to keep one going. This leads to that awkward face to face silence that results in the person and/or myself to start using a cellphone as a distraction. People escape being in an uncomfortable situation by using their phones to avoid interaction.Yet, as people pay attention to their phones more instead of physically talking to others, they lose that communication skill of being able to have face to face conversations. As humans, we like to find entertainment and obtain information. The easiest way is through our phones which are equipped with the latest apps and social outlets that provide us with the entertainment and news we crave. However, this reduces our interest in obtaining these information and amusement from actual people like friends, peers, or family. Knowing this, during social settings, I try to limit my cellphone use as much as possible. I do this by putting my phone in silent setting and keeping it in a safe place out of my sight. I find that by directly putting myself out there and genuinely talking to a person despite awkward silences have been valuable experiences for me.

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  60. Danaya Webster

    This is definitely an interesting article but I'm not sure if I 100% agree with it. I think a lot of people are just born naturally shy or introverted and hiding in a phone is easier than having to talk face to face. I don't think it's the use of phones that causes this. I'm a very outgoing person but I find myself in some situations where I don't really feel comfortable talking so I just pay attention more to my phone. Also, I think being young has a lot to do with it because as a teenager you are constantly wanting contact with your friends and to see what they're up to and see what's trending on social media. Now that I'm older and I've moved away from home, whenever I go back home to visit family, I'm hardly on my phone at all. So overall, I guess I don't think phones are really a huge issue.

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  61. In my case, face to face conversations can be difficult sometimes. It depends a lot on the person you are talking to, for example its harder to talk to someone superior than to one of your classmates. The reason why is because with classmates you can talk about anything, but with adults we tend to get nervous since we try to sound more mature, so we focus a lot on what we say. For me its easier to talk to older people than to people who are my age, the reason why is because we as teenagers tend to be more mean and judge others without thinking about their feelings. I think that many other may have a hard time talking to others is because of the technology now days. We tend to be using our phone for everything, since there are many apps that help you with anything you can think of. Some people maybe always had a hard time being social but now with phones its even worse for those people, because sometimes to try and avoid awkward eye contact with others we tend to be on our phone scrolling through social media every single minute or texting our friends. When we do that, we lost an opportunity to meet new people because we hide behind a screen. Also there are a lot of dating apps, and other apps that let you chat with strangers and then you end up becoming friends. There are a lot of people who actually use that kind of social media and they get too comfortable talking to people online and then when they have to talk face to face they can't do it because they lost practice. They end up becoming a little anti social because they are always on their phone not talking to people. Im not going to lie and say that i dont use my phone to be on social media because i do, but i limit my time on the phone. I dont like to text much, ill rather talk to the people face to face, and i dont tend to use my social media every day. To get out of the habit of using the phone while you are at a restuarant, you can try to put all the phones down in the middle and the person who gets thir phone first has to pay. I f you are at home you should just put it somewhere where you can get it but not too close just in case of an emergency. To become more social you have to just put yourself out there and not be scared, because talking to others is easier than what it seems. You will grow out of the habit of being on your phone all the time and everywhere you are, and you will notice you become more social and are not as scared to make face to face conversations with others.

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  62. For myself talking to people can be tough. I am a shy and reserved person but once I get to know people I can be an easy person to talk to. Technology takes away face to face conversations because everyone is on their phones twenty-four seven. When I am around my friends they tend to grab their phones when the conversation stops, gets boring, or do not even want to talk at all. Take it on yourself to break the new standard of conversation. Take it back to the good days where making connections actually benefited both parties. Go out and see the world, meet people, and make connections.

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  63. I find it difficult having one on one conversations sometimes mainly because I either don't know them or have little to no communication with them. So there would be times in high school where I'm around people I just say hi to and we're just standing, looking down or at our phones. I think fear and uncertainty play a role to because people can feel like they have to say something cool or funny to prevent someone from having negative thoughts about you. I would encourage people to ask questions or tell somone about their dreams, hobbies, etc. The goal is to create familiarity and find common interests so your guard is down, allowing to feel more relaxed and comfortable around someone or a group of people.

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  64. In my own experience, I noticed that I’m totally fine with not thinking about my phone at the dinner table. I may sound very old fashioned, but the reason is I was raised without electronics by my side. My first ever mobile phone (not smartphone) was gifted when I went to high school.
    So whenever we gather with friends and notice that some friends start checking their phones It becomes just a reminder that they are not filling comfortable or got bored, and that gesture can hurt my feeling. It can show that they are not interested in that conversation; therefore, I never check that frequently my phone whenever I’m with someone, because that action can hurt other’s feelings. Face-to-face conversation should never be challenging.

    Bibia (DVC ENLG 126)

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  65. What would our lives be like without face-to-face conversations? I don't find this kind of communication to be challenging at all. I think that others might find it uncomfortable due to certain insecurities or other setbacks. When I come across someone who seems a little awkward, I try to make them feel as comfortable as possible in order to earn their "trust" and make them more open to talking with me. People, especially teenagers, love to hide behind their phones. I think that mostly everyone can relate to using their phone to get out of some weird or uneasy situation. To limit the use of cell phones in social settings, I think that we have to learn how to be more welcoming and considerate of others. It's not easy for everyone to get out of their comfort zones, and we have to remember that. Maybe start by complimenting someone who looks bored or lonely at school. Make it a game to see how many friends you can make a day. Be the person who makes other people NOT want to look at their cell phone screens!

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  66. Regarding to the past time there was no good quality technology and people would normally talk in person, however now that we have good technology we now use social media and other substances to talk to one another. Due to the technology that the young generations have now is a good source because people can receive messages really fast. Although it is a fast pace to communicate with technology I still can manage to talk to people from face to face because wherever we go we will still eventually talk to people out of the blue. However it also depends on the situation with any person. Since people now use technology to communicate with one another; the way to limit that situation is by spreading the word in social media because now a days everyone has a Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat.

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